The narrow world that does not fit in the palm of hand
Snow covered the whole area. In the street, attacking everything, the frosty chain howls. There is no one in the small room except the old woman. The old woman kept coughing, every time she coughed, her lungs were stuck in her mouth. The cold wind coming in from one side of the window made her shiver. - “It looks like it won't be sunny today”, she muttered to herself. – Why is it so difficult for spring to come? The cold weather is making me nervous, huh!”.
The old woman bit her lip as if someone heard her words. She repented after all, she would never complain to God! What happened now? She doesn't even know. Reluctantly putting the false tooth in her mouth, she eructed. The sores in her mouth did not allow her to put her teeth. She put the tooth back into the bowl. She was bitter about not being able to find her walking-stick and began to mutter to herself. The stubbornness and determination of her youth are still saved even in her hunched stature and the wrinkles on her face. She doesn’t want to be subservient and to bow down to someone, that’s why her marriage ended early. She was alone with her son. At the time, she did not say anything to her husband. And then she could not live peacefully like others. The only son could not support his mother. Their relationship is not enviable. Between the times when he went from country to country for trade, travel, meeting, his youth passed like water.
She was late for the morning prayer…
She took the kettle hanging over the stove for ablution and went to the yard with zeal. Usually, the old woman acts like this only when she is angry. One reason was that she couldn’t find her cane now, and the second reason was that her hoop was not in its place.
“Not one of these dishonest people is going to visit me”, - she muttered to herself. Grabbing the handle on the edge of the door, she put her foot on the slippery floor and suddenly slipped, her hand came off the handle and fell to the ground. She was scared and groaned as she hit the cold ground with her eyes closed due to the pain in her head. For a long time, a bitter pain was stuck in her throat, the pain that tormented her heart started to flow from the eyes of the old woman today. From her point of view, all the longings that had been accumulating in her whole body for a lifetime finally burst open today and the material from the skin-covered wound seemed to be leaking from one end of her leg. She was numb, but she felt a sharp pain in her leg and she thought that it was obvious that she was bleeding. She did not stop crying for a long time. Hearing her voice, the son came running from the next room.
- What happened? Why did you go out into the yard? You had a wash-bowl inside, - he said, trying to get her mother up.
- Don't touch, - said the old woman, whose voice was hoarse from crying with anger.
- Don't do that, get up, you will get sick as a consequence of cold, - said the son, holding her shoulder.
- It would be so good if I die faster. Now I feel as I am a stick in your eyes, - said the mother, who began to cry again. The son was pity and he carried his mother into the house.
- Are you feeling good?
She said nothing. The son repeated his question again.
- My leg is bleeding, tell your wife to clean it... The sheets will be dirty, - said the mother, her voice was hoarse. The son held the mother’s legs. There was no blood anywhere. He was surprised.
- Mom, there is no blood, - he said lowering his voice a bit.
- What...?
The old woman said nothing else. She didn’t pray after that. The boy brought the cane that the old woman had left in the kitchen yesterday.
- Would you bring milk? Drink it, mom, your throat will get well earlier.
The mother gestured no.
- What day is today? - the old woman asked with a groan.
- Thursday.
- Has spring come?
- It's still February.
The pain inside the old woman was renewed and she forced herself to cry again. After all, she hoped that spring had begun. If she dies, will people come to her funeral in this cold weather?! If the spring comes early and her funeral would be organized during the warm days. However, her son's words renewed her pain.
- That's it, you have complained enough so far. Don't you thank God? We have relatives and neighbours, - the son wanted to comfort his mother. The old woman could not be stopped. Troubled, painful thoughts were gnawing at her brain like a worm on an apple.
- What have I done for them that they would do a favour to me, my son, - said the old woman inside.
- Do I have so many qualities that my God did not like? - with the thought that her brain began to buzz again.. Where is her husband now? Yes, he was dead. In the eyes of the old woman, he was still alive. Her husband was a driver, he died because of car accident two years ago.
The old woman, who was not satisfied with her husband’s income, came up with something new every day in order to live well. Well, she knows how much she suffered for her mistake. Her son was talking about something, but none of it reached the old woman’s ears, and at that moment she was looking for answers to the questions that had been bothering her all her life. She thought for a long time and fell asleep.
The boy went to fetch a doctor. The bride made a roast meet for her mother-in-law. The old lady likes it. It has been six years since the doctors diagnosed the old woman with “tuberculosis”. Hearing this, the bride’s color faded. Later, she did not let her children go near the old woman. No matter what the poor thing does, what will happen if it infects her children? She made her living separately. The old woman’s dishes have been isolated in her house for more than a year. This bride turned out to be a bad person. There were many people who said that the mother-in-law should be looked after, but she is just like an old woman - she is stubborn and does not listen to anyone's words. The old woman was isolated. She lives in a yard and misses her grandchildren. It is true that a son and a daughter-in-law come to her, but... As she dreamed when her son was born: the son doesn’t visit her often. Maybe if she hadn’t parted with his father, reconciled with him and lived contentedly as she did in the beginning, maybe everything would have been as it should be?!
- Cashier is a difficult profession, you understand that, - she said, predicting her husband’s simple driving. From these words, a cold feeling began to take the place of the important bond between them. As the woman’s dreams faded away, a cold feeling spread like a thick fog. The woman could not understand it during the exact time, but it was as if she sensed that something was melting and spilling. She didn’t want to pay attention to her husband. Because she used to sit in her office as she was “decorating” the whole place that there was no one who did not compliment her or praise her beauty. Because she was so enamored with herself, neither her husband nor others were counted. Thus, the thick fog continued to weaken the bonds between them. The impatient husband divorced and married another woman. To her mind, everything happened so quickly that in the end, she remained in her pain as if she had lost. The worst thing was that she was having difficulties in this pain. The fact that her husband married someone else saddened her, she even analized her past life again and again. She was deeply saddened by this, and only at these moments she did feel as if she was distracted from unnecessary pains. She was also removed from her job while she was depressed. For several years there was a person who was self-absorbed. However, the pain prevailed and she fell ill. Doctors diagnosed this patient as “tuberculosis”. In fact, the woman’s illness was completely different. She asked God for this. “Tuberculosis” was called “punishment” by herself. She thought she deserved worse. (She still loved her husband, her previous life.)
***
“How many days should I look after her this time”, - said the bride to herself. Again she stopped herself from torturing her mother-in-law. The bride was also depressed today for some reason. - What have I done to this poor old woman? She sufferred a lot and now, my God, let her die without suffering, - she thought. She would say so, but something was gnawing at some part of her heart, she was having trouble finding a peace in her heart. For this reason, she prepared the green tea with special pity mixed with love, prepared sweats that her mother-in-law liked.
***
The son who came with the doctor, saw his mother sleeping and felt a little joy.
“Stand up, mom”, - he said, gently pushing her by the shoulder. Mother was silent. He called his mother three or four times, but there was no sound. The doctor held the old woman’s forehead and saw that the fever that was burning her in flames was now cooling down. No one could wake her up now. Something bitter stuck in the son’s throat. He was numb.
Author: Sarvinoz MAMANOVA,
Chief editor of “Iste’dod” newspaper,
Head of the literary department of the musical drama theater of Samarkand region.
Translated from Uzbek by Iroda Kholbekova,
Sophomore student of New Uzbekistan University.
Cometarii
Very nice, congratulations!